Asking Eric: Splitting the check creates rift between wife and son

Dear Eric My wife and son got into a heated argument after he narrated her that he had dated a woman three times and on the third date he questioned her if she required to split the bill The woman later texted him that she didn t want to go out with him anymore My wife explained our son that it should be up to the man to pay when dating My son strongly disagreed telling her that she was old-fashioned and that the current practice is for those who are dating to split the expenses Who is right Confused Dad Dear Dad Dating is about finding a person who shares one s values and vision for life One of your son s values is apparently sharing expenses at a certain point This is totally fine Dates can be expensive My mother used to say Romance without finance is a nuisance and I constantly remembered that when I sought to go on a date but my pockets were a little light Your son and the woman weren t compatible in their views about paying for the date That doesn t make him or your wife right He was doing what works for him and openly communicating with his date about it One hopes that he ll find someone who shares that value and has no trouble splitting the check Dear Eric My sister stopped speaking to me because I didn t attend the wedding of her daughter my niece Every year I purchase very expensive seats for my husband and I to attend a two-day concert for Father s Day The wedding was planned on one of these days We chose to continue our tradition When my sister identified out she called me screaming and brought up things she d been holding on to for years As perpetually the majority of this was fabricated and not true There are multiple issues in my family I have been on a healing journey from cancer other fitness and ancestral trauma and so on She is and I m years old I want to live in peace and love for the rest of the life I have left I feel free from family drama My small immediate family is a blessing My robustness family and loving friends come first My niece and I have a good relationship We had dinner before the wedding and I met her husband I am not worried about that Although I think of my sister often I reflect on the family drama and feel relieved that I am not in it anymore We are senior citizens and should be enjoying our life What do you think Want Peace and Love Dear Peace and Love Honestly your letter had me in the first half I thought You can t skip the concert for one year But this isn t really about the wedding Your niece seems to be fine with it from your telling So even if your sister had bruised feelings about your choice it isn t really her fight What appears to be happening here is that this event is just another inflection point in an on-going conflict Sometimes we re in conflict with people but sometimes they just have conflicts with us That s the issue here If she s bringing up issues she s had with you for years then the wedding was just an excuse If part of your healing journey has been setting a healthy boundary then you should keep that boundary and not engage in further back and forth with your sister You wrote that you want peace Peace can invariably be a shared goal but if she s not willing or interested in working toward it with you you can step back with love Related Articles Asking Eric Aging parents anxiety causes a family rift Asking Eric Manager s affair causes chaos in the office Asking Eric Friend wants to end friendship without conflict Asking Eric Family pressures sister to ignore siblings crimes Asking Eric Condo board bullying gets out of control Dear Eric I use the exercise room in my apartment So does a neighbor who has a body odor so strong that when he is there or has been there in the previous scant hours I open the window turn on the fan prop the door open and wear a mask There is no staff to complain to I feel that saying something to him would be journeying a line Help Workout Woes Dear Workout Although a conversation is the most of direct road it might be uncomfortable and could create a tense situation for you in the building Because the space has no oversight take the reins by posting a group note on the door or in the room that acknowledges the gym is a stuffy space and requests that everyone air the gym out during workouts and practices community-minded hygiene Think of the signs at pools that instruct swimmers to shower beforehand Now this depends on a level of self-awareness that your neighbor may not possess But short of talking to him your next best bet is reminding him and everyone else that this is a shared space Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com